So I’ve officially been on hormones for three weeks now. And I must admit, the changes that I’ve experienced were definitely different than what I expected. When you hear about things like a reduction or loss of libido, it’s difficult to imagine exactly what that feels like. Or doesn’t feel like, in my experience.
Before I started hormones, I kept having the “normal” sexual impulses towards women that I saw or met, I kept having to release the pressure of those impulses – almost every night in fact. I have to admit, I hated myself for it – hated the primal instinct of the male beast within me, that forced me to lust after anything that moved, that pushed me towards an act that I physically enjoyed, but was mentally repulsed by, at such a constant and high frequency.
Since the beginning though, that’s all pretty much stopped. It wasn’t automatic, it wasn’t a choice I made. The best way I can describe it is that one night I simply… forgot to masturbate. And then the next day, I did too. It just didn’t cross my mind. When I realized this, I did it simply because I wanted to know if I could – it was a curiosity more than a need. And now, conversations that would set me off, talking about sex, or the results of surgery, or stupid things like breast growth, simply do not affect me. They’re just another conversation, just another subject that’s of interest to me. Speaking of breast growth, hormones are also starting to make me sore and itchy so I guess that’s a good sign… moving on!
It also makes my interactions with everyone around me simpler and easier. It lets me concentrate on being more friendly and social, feeling less alone (I’ve always hated being single). It’s really refreshing, and I appreciate the freedom it gives me.
I’m pretty thankful for all that, because I’m going to be moving in with a female roommate which I objectively find attractive, and I know that the old me, the male me, would have found difficult to be close to her and not “fall in lust” with her at the first occasion.
So yeah, finally leaving the house that I shared with my ex wife is going to be both exciting and scary. Thankfully the place we found is better than I though I could end up with – a ground level, 3 bedroom apartment with a nice yard, heated solarium, included parking space, gas heating, and really close to public transportation (the subway system, especially). When my daughter, and my roommate’s two daughters visit together, we’re going to be having lots of fun together, gardening and going out in the many attractions available in both Laval and Montreal.
It’s going to be Legen.. wait for it… Dairy. Legendary.